Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Psychology of Total Enclosure -- Part the First?

While we've been vacationing, I have been thinking about how to describe some of the more 'transcendental' experiences I have been having during my total enclosure time. It occurred to me this morning that I have been more contemplative and introspective this past week than usual, so, without goin ginto a lot of explicit sexual detail, let me try to examine some of my reactions and thought processes during thepast week's latex-oriented adventures.
Many of these particular practices I have detailed in earlier posts, but I thought I would go deeper into my emotional and psychological reactions to them.

First and simplest:
My reactions to being fully encased all the time. Now, after more than 7 and one half months, I can say that this sensation has both retained its tittilation appeal and at the same time become exceedingly normal. My reaction has been to both crave and expect it. There is an incredible sense of anticipation and excitement every morning as I awaken (always between latex sheets, even here on the island) and it is often satisfied with sex. I adore early morning sex with Sir or with maid (or with both) and then the long lazy sensations that follow.

I find that the clear latex suits are so thin that every sensation seems to come thorugh without attenuation even though I know this cannot be true. I suspect I now have either adapted and my sense of touch is actually more sensitive or I would find having nothing between myself and the world exceedingly (and perhaps painfully) amplified because my attenuated sense would be bombarded. Actually, I am fairly certain it is the former because I do not notice that water of my bath against truly naked skin being irritating or too hot/too cold. nor is the towel I am dried with too scratchy or rough. What I DO notice, however, is an incessant craving for maid to hurry up and get me back into my suit. I feel outrageously exposed now even for the hour I am out of the skin suit.

I do truly enjoy the intimacy of being shaved by her and particularly find head shaving while covered in latex elsewhere to be outrageously erotic. I have multiple orgasms during this little ritual. There is an incredible sense of well being as she shaves, then dries, then covers me in the rubber. I almost can't find words for it except to say that I always sigh with a tremendous sense of well being and relief when the thin, clear hood covers my face once again.

I do not notice my hoods. They seem like the most normal thing in the world now and even in the heat I generally no longer find them oppressive in the least. Of course, when Sir has me in three or four hoods and they are specifically intended and tightened or inflated to cause me to feel oppressed (in a sexy way) I do feel that. But my reaction to the skinsuit hood is that it is the normal way to BE in an existential sense. The same is true of my hands being gloved and my feet being footed (is that a word?).

I do notice my other clothing in a sense. Corset, dress, second gloves or hood, boots, etc are all very nice and I find I have a rather girlish tendency to twirl in the mirror after maid dresses me each morning. But it is the same sense I had years ago when I dressed in satin or silk. I love the flowing and the feel of the drape of a sensuous fabric and none is more sensuous than latex.

I still have some trouble when I must put on a second pair of gloves. I'm sure most of you know the issues with gloves not sitting just right so they slide up the fingers and such. Well that still happens to me from time to time, but I deal with it. chlorinating the clothes seems to have worked well.

With respect to other psychology around wearing latex all the time:
I find that being in latex for hours and hours does make me more contemplative. I have begun working on papers again, but this time I am thinking about them from the standpoint of theperson who must turn inward.

That is, I believe, because while I am working on them I am encased and often gagged and even restrained around the house. it changes one's perspective.
Being sealed in a vac bed is an absolute wonder. I often have maid put me in mine even when I have not been ordered to. The sensation is, I think I used the word above, transcendental. Very rapidly I drift away on a soft rubbery dream and have even found it annoying for maid to begin stimulating me sexually when what I really wanted was meditation. This sensation of annoyance, for some reason, is always highly transitory :)

I do enjoy meditaitng in latex enclosures...vac bed, suspension bag, even just in heavy bondage. And I find being gagged adds to the pleasure of this. I actually rather enjoy going through an entire day unable to speak to her or to Sir. The sense of being Other, of being an object is heightened for me when I do this.

A few times I have been suspended for over 24 hours and overnight. This sensation is incredible. I find that I drift off into a special 'space' that many submissives talk about achieving only under severe spankings or whippings. I can get there by being suspended in a latex bag and just allowed to drift in my rubber universe.

Sleeping:
I am typically put to bed in the skinsuit and a rubber nightgown. sometimes I am in bondage, but most nights I am not. I sleep very soundly between rubber sheets and duvet on rubber pillows and I DO have rubbery dreams. Mostly these are erotic in nature and very private, however, the other night I dreamt of returning to teaching and of walking into my class sealed in latex and covered with a burqa. The funny thing was that when i looked up, all the students were either in burqas or sealed in TE as well, and I was gagged...so I stood in front of them all and pointed with a laser pointer at a presentation on the screen for 30 minutes without making a sound. Interestingly, all the female students were gagged too, but the male students could ask questions...which I could not answer, of course.

Going out in public: I simply no longer think twice about wearing the burqa to hide my hooded face. When I interact with people in the outside world, I don't even think about the fact that they cannot see me. Of course, THEY do, but I have lost any inhibitions about it. When I am gagged under the burqa, I do remain a bit more all of, but I still buy groceries, books, look at cosmetics, shoes, and clothes, and interact as I have to with staff and others. I love visiting my friend who runs the Antique store and I love being out and about with maid.

I also find it very sexually stimulating to be out with Sir while I am in total enclosure and burqa. I enjoy the submissive sense of myself walking just behind him, keeping my head bowed, and occasionally doing things like kneeling next to his chair at a restaurant. We have been to the Halal restaurant in London that I wrote about a few times as we've passed through and it is SO Sexy to be submitting like that while there are other women submitting that way too.

Family:
I have been having a long drawn out email conversation with my parents and have to keep assuring them that my new lifestyle is working and I am happy and healthy. My sister seems to understand, our son applauds us in our choices (as does hif girl friend) and Sir's niece and nephew have given us a lot of encouragement. I know I will never make my parents completely comfortable with this, but one must lead one's own ,life. here's a dilemma though, that i dreamt of recently...what do I do if one of my parents dies and I have to attend the funeral? In my dream I attended in latex, but in the real world that would be tough.

I think that's all I have for the moment. However, if you, my dear readers, have questions please ask them and I will endeavour to answer them.

regards
Lady

12 comments:

Dark said...

What is it about your lifestyle that your parents are having the hardest time with? Or perhaps what are their objections? Of course since you are properous and your lifestyle does not seem to be a threat to your well being from an econmic point of view... and you claim you are as content as a big in a rug... should we assume that their objections are all about the extreme unconventionality of the lifestyle?

Surely you don't discuss BDSM with them... so we assume it is about dressing enclosed in rubber... and the submissiveness you would normally display in public? You didn't change your relationship when they visited?

Many children embark on "lifestyle" decisions which irk parents.. be it music, body mods and drugs. The children all claim they are happy... have a slew of friends as support groups and the more the parents ask them to return to "normalcy" the more the children push away.

Of course LadyII is hardly a rebellious child, but it would be understandable for her parents, in fact any parents.. to want their children to "fit in" and be normal... in their eyes and in the eyes of their community. What do they say to their friends? Ohwe visted them and she is enclosed in rubber all the time and so on. Kind of uncomfortable for them if the topic comes up. Most likely they have to make excuses... or lie... or avoid the topic and it is nothing short of umcomfortable.

And this brings me to MY question:

Living such a deeply commited fetish centric life DOES isolate LadyII. But she (they) do interact with non fetish people more and more. How does their fetish interfere with these interactions? Some may be unaffected... others may be "impossible". Would the ideal situation to have no interactions with the vanilla world? Or do you use them out there for fun, games and thrills in a sense... to escape isolation and boredom?

Latex Lady said...

Dark
My parents are concerned that my choice of lifestyle may limit, hinder, or endanger me. They are not fetishistic themselves (to my knowledge0 and just find the concept of me enclosing myself in this manner too weird for words.

That said, they have adapted and ae communicative with me and with all of us. They have met maid and i suppose they have some idea of what a rubber clad girl of 26 is likely to be doing in our household.

But, no, we do not discuss BDSM with them. It WAS interesting watching a kinky episode of CSI with them while I was completely covered in latex sitting on the floor at Sir's feet. They are quite bright and I am certain they figured much of it out, but like most families, we do not discuss our sex lives across generations.

For all I know, mom dresses up as the mistress of pain every night :)

I know that my mother mentioned that they visited us to her friends at church, but yes, I doubt that she went into too much detail. However, she MIGHT have done with a close friend she has.

We keep coming back to this question of whether my lifestyle is limiting. It is not. I have found nothing I cannot do in public or private that I care to do.

I cannot drive in the burqa...but I don't want to.

I can't engage in traditional penetrative sex...but I don't want to

And I am neither isolated nor bored. Indeed, one of my personal fetishes is to BE an object for a long time (perhaps forever). I have been able to achieve a closer degree of this in the last 7 months than in the preceeding 30 years. But with respect to other interactions or things I can or cannot do, we have found nothing of significance.

We have been out to dinner with 'vanilla' friends and with Sir's business partners. We have visited relatives and family. We go to theater and cinema and museums. we aren't interested in sports, but if we were i am certain we could attend these too.

Can I work? I do not know? I suspect that here in NORCAL, I could, as Julia suggested, go back to teaching even in a burqa. But I have no desire to.

So I must say to you that you are wrong. My lifestyle does not isolate me any more than I wish it to. I feel protected by my layers of ruber, not isolated.

I suppose my question for you, Dark, is, "What do you think I should be doing that I cannot? What, in your mind, are my limitations?"

Regardes
Lady

Dark said...

I suppose that some things would be difficult, perhaps sports... or at least "uncomfortable". But that persumes you would want to do them.... Like sailing... or horse back riding. Even walking the dogs in the summer can be a challenge en shorts and a T shirt. Ironically sometimes when I am walking the dogs in the snow or the heat I try to imagine you doing the same... and conclude it would be very difficult... but not undoable. I certainly would have trouble walking my dogs where I live enclosed in anyway analgous to your dress. Since I like walking my dogs... caring for them would be a rubber challenge. Getting to the sailboat.. sailing and so on for me would also be almost impossible encased in rubber 24/7. Riding a bicycle... atending political / community meetings... and so on. I can think of many things I do which would be impossible for me were I to be enclosed as you. And finally I work as an architect and this too would be impossible enclosed as you are.

If you have maid to walk your dogs... no interest in bikes and sailing and so on... these become non issues of course.

It just depends on what things we like to do with our time. No?

Latex Lady said...

Well, on our vacation we actually did go out and play a round of miniature golf...I amd Ok in a burqa with a putter. We've never been big fans of the full game of golf...I don't see why I couldn't learn to drive and chip in rubber, though.

Horseback riding is completely possible. Many women in the mid east ride side saddle in abayas or burqas.

With respect to sailing, I had quite an enjoyable time on the deck of the launch enjoying the breeze with my flowing rubber robes billowing out behind me. Running around trimming sail on a sailboat MIGHT be a bit much, but then, I am more inclined to enjoy the ride than to work as crew :) I would suggest you try sailing sometime in a sleek latex catsuit instead of a neoprene wetsuit. Surely you have tried this already?

We have a cat. He is wonderfully aloof and at the same time loving and personable. He has never complained about my wearing latex. However, I don't see why I could not walk dogs in a burqa. Women walk dogs all the time in long coats and dresses...and contrary to what a lot of people think, my vision under the burqa is quite good.

I care for our cat (or maid does) on a regular basis. being rubbered makes no difference...of course if i choose, I can don a gas mask before cleaning his pan. :)

And as far as attending community meetings...why not? Unless paranoid council members barred me, I doubt it would be an issue. They might require me to uncover to a security guard, but I accomodate that at the airport all the time.

So I don't know of anything I couldn't do if I put my mind to it short of highly strenuous exercise that would overheat me.

For the things I LIKE to do, rubber enclosure has offered me virtually no issues and no hindrances. Some minor challenges, perhaps, but not what I would call serious obstacles.

regards
Lady

gummitaucher said...

Hi Latexlady,

don´t worry about me trying out your underwater endeavours :) As a freediver I for myself am quite used to the feeling of being out of air and the way the body reacts to that - but I would never put someone inexperienced in that situation.

Also it was interesting to read about your feelings while being shaved on your head - encased in rubber. This sounds like a wonderful ritual. It does not look like you would be willing to give that up, would you ?

best wishes
gummitaucher

Dark said...

Sailing in a catsuit is not a problem! And you are outside with hardly anyone around... and when they are they are usually not close enough to see or even comment! But the sun on skin tight black rubber is way too hot... yellow is a bit better and I suppose white might be best.

I don't like the feeling of enclosing lots of perspiration inside rubber and so any strenuous activities would be too unpleasant. Perhaps I am more temperature sensitive than others... and in fact some LIKE the sweat... but for me latex is only pleasurable within a narrow temperature and humidity range.

DrBlack said...

Dear Latex Lady:

I was very interested to read about the contemplative nature of your total enclosure. You are the first person that has described the beauty and sensuality of the rubber dressing ritual. I love the rubber dressing ritual since it is a doorway from myself to my rubberself- two very different entities.

In addition, it appears that TE in rubber has allowed you to slow down sufficiently to reach a more contemplative almost psychedelic state of mind. You aptly describe the beauty and transcendance nature of your TR experience to date. They again remind me of the Lilly isolation tank expereiences. I greatly admire you, sir and maid in embarking on this total and complete journy. I am curious whether you have identifed goals or eventposts to keep the TE procss moving forward. That is , how much of this journry is planned out ahead and how much is situational? In any event, I wish you much love and insight as u, Sir and Maid continue ur wonderful latex journey. Has anyone considered making a movie of this experience?

Latex Lady said...

Drblack
Thank you for the kind words.

I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment of the way TE has slowed me down. I have always been introspective; after all, what good is an unexamined life?

But this experience has encouraged me to take a very zen-like attitude toward experiences, rituals, and day to day life. Now, even making a ham sandwich is a carefully planned and precisely executed activity. It is how I imagine living in a zero g environment must be.

Being in the vac bed with my head in an inflatable hood, totaly removed form sensations of the outside world, I tend to drift into a dreamlike state. Sometimes I feel (and this is my goal) that my identity is disolving away and I am losing conciousness without losing sensation. That is I am losing the thing I call I.

we do not have a lot of plans in terms of goals or milestones. we have largely achieved eveything we originally set out to. But the experience remains so enjoyable and attractive now, that I can't imagine quitting. And we are still learning things.

As the creative minds in the alternative lifestyle community come up with more interesting devices and toys, I am sure we will find a way to keep exploring our interests. But beyond that, the peace of mind and meditative states I seem to live in now are very, very alluring.

regards
Lady

Dr Black said...

Lady

I am confident that the creative minds of the alternative world will create more exciting devices and techniques for exploration.

I always found it exciting that shutting down stimuli creates and opens up different sensations. The vac bed and inflatables make perfect sense to me in achieving that. Not to ignore the sheer mind blowing pleasure of it all!

I find the concept of blurring oneself very interesting. Do you ever fear that the loss of self would be permanent? If you know you can come back to the I, do you ever really lose the self? Or does the loss of the I require the concept of no return? I sure dont have any answers to this but was curious as to your thoughts.


Regards

Dr Black

Rubberjohn said...

We all share a deep attraction to rubber and latex as a way to build a physical barreer between us and the external world in order to concentrate our feelings on our own body, increasing a state of total awareness of every detail of our body... Each sound, each contact of the skin with rubber, each breath has a greater order of magnitude. In total enclosure, I feel the pressure of latex and of the various bouds on my body, the impossibility to move, and this lack of freedom enhance a global perception of my body as well as a deep insight vision of my mind.
Contrary to the common sense, total enclosure is for me total freedom, sensory deprivation is sensory amplification. I think a lot, and after each session I can easily write down papers, already written in my mind...
As I have been in nearly absolute chastity since 5 years now, this volontary incapacity to express a sexual release through "natural" ways gives me another level of amplification of my sexual energy. Every inch of my skin is transformed in a sexual organ... and in a captor of sensation... believe me, I am a good candidate for lifetime total enclosure and chastity, but I need time to work and earn money to buy more latex and rubber garments...

Latex Lady said...

rubberjohn,
Thank you for the comment. Your description of the freedom of mind obtained by relinquishing freedom of body is very apt. I feel much the same way.

And there is no doubt that the choice to allow another person to block your access to traditional release does, indeed, increase the explosive power of non-traditional methods.

There are many times when I am not permitted to achieve such release in the 'usual' manner. However, what happens is a much greater and more relaxing flush of sensation and pleasure, often unaccompanied by any overtly 'sexual' feelings at all. being encasd in the latex for this amplifies the sensation and, I believe, the psychological catharsis as well.

For me, these mindgasms (for lack of a better term) are much better than any traditional release through intercourse, manipulation, or mastrubation and are made all the more intense by the subsumption of my identity, my ego, and my body into the latex encasement.

I literally feel like I am falling into the soft warm depths of a womb when this happens.

The fact that it is triggered through the ministrations of the man I have surrendered myself to makes it all the sweeter.

Regards
Lady

Rubberjohn said...

Lady
It is a real pleasure to try to describe our "mindgasms" - I approve the word - without the conventional vocabulary of BDSM... There is a book to write ! I feel this strong, imperious, need of warmth, darkness, humidity, global intensity as a return to the wet calm and elasticity of my mother's womb. With no doubt, everything started there. It is one of the strongest taboo of mankind. All our education obliges us to be clean and we love to ignore social constraints when we dare to urinate in our latex womb. What makes the difference for us is the fact that we accept this addiction because we have found through our long term partner the authority we were looking for to make this research socially and psychologically acceptable. We don't fear any sanction. Probably, being a slave is to accept this unusual fate and to seak a deeper commitment in this dissolution of our soul and body in the wetness of deep latex through the love of our partner.