We have returned from our vacation to see our son and all is well. We had our usual process through airports and I had no significant troubles.
However, I wanted to write today about something else. My attitudes toward the full enclosure and the fact that I am completing 11 months tomorrow in total enclosure.
I have begun noticing a tendency to withdraw into my little rubber world of late. Even this weekend, while out with family I was very quiet and twice I gagged myself before going out even though I did not need to. I actually sat through two meals with my son and husband gagged and silent, covered, and blinded (I wore the hood with zipper eyes and mouth and just zipped myself shut for an evening).
The psychological upshot is that, as I am closing out my 11th month, I have started to notice that I want more, not less, rubber in my life and that I want less, not more contact with the world. I have asked Sir to start letting me wear an inflatable hood under the burqa to reduce noise levels and to wear gags with mouth inserts so that I feel more cut off and limited than I have so far. In addition, I have taken to wearing a hobble skirt under my dresses as a slip. This adds an additional layer of latex and a much greater restriction level.
When he asked me why I wanted this, I told my son that I was finding that I was craving bondage and tighter control than I have typically been subject to for the last year. He and his girlfriend both indicated they agreed with this philosophy. Sir has indicated that I can expect more such restrictions on all my mobility then.
After we returned home yesterday, I had intended to run through a gamut of chores and such, but instead I found that by the time I boarded the plane I wanted to be completely cut off from the world, to meditate and drift in a sea of rubber sensation. I zipped myself closed again under the burqa and Sir actually led me off the plane blind and silent. I did not see anything again until 9am this morning.
Sir has talked about this before. It is a sense he gets when he is enclosed for long periods, but I had thought that I was over it. For several months, being enclosed has been the norm and I have felt that what I had was sufficient discipline, control, restriction, and submission.
Instead, this past two weeks I find I am wanting to dissolve into my rubber. I sometimes sit for hours staring at the inside of my hood, not moving,, arms behind me in an armbinder, legs tightly restricted in a leg binder or my whole body in an inflatable bag, unable to move, unwilling to speak, and un-desirous of sight.
I am having very complex fantasies and dreams about my rubber life now as well. These typically involve my continuing to be encased and dressed in more and more elaborate rubber costumes and restrictions. I was describing one of these dreams to everyone at dinner the other night (when I DID allow myself speech) and Wei was shuddering by the time I finished. She said that she had similar fantasies sometimes, but had never thought about being intubated and suspended in a tight Victorian ball gown out of latex such as I had described.
Sir has agreed to help me realize some of these fantasies next year during my second year of total encapsulation. I guess that means we are going forward with a second year of encasement. My own feelings are that I want to spend more and more of my time in restriction and bondage, not just latex clothing. Sir agrees with this.
We shall have to see where all this leads